Thoughts

Ya know how if you wait too long to pee, you stop needing to go? That's the way it is with crushes. If your crush takes too long to respond in any way, it stops. So really, having a crush is like needing to pee. You have a physical desire which will only make the toilet/boy appealing for so long before your brain begins to ignore the physical desire.
I blame Megan for my interest in making out at the moment. She keeps talking about Sean and how in love they are and all that junk. So that makes me crave a relationship, which leads to me remembering how much I love making out. I'm half way tempted to be like "Hey Kody, ya know how you offered to help me out with the whole getting pregnant thing?" The pregnant thing... umm... I can't remember exactly, but I think I was talking about how I ought to get pregnant to get out of doing fit for life, and he volunteered to help me out. Anyways... "How bout you just make out with me instead?"
Obviously, I'm not going to do that. Cause friends with benefits is a farce, it never works out, and Kody is way too scared of messing up our newly resolved friendship.
You may find yourself wondering why I don't just find a new boy, say "wanna make out?" and act like a normal human being. I promised myself not to kiss a guy I hadn't been dating for at least a month, with five dates within that month at least. However.... I'm now starting to ponder the idea of changing it to fifth date I can kiss, tenth or fifteenth (haven't quite decided) I can make out. Lol... I'm such a pathetic loser.
I had some yogurt today that made me want to puke. Note to self: sixty cent yogurt is not worth choking down.
This weekend shall be quite awkward. See, Saturday I'm going hiking with a married man whose wife may tag along. It's a homework assignment, I'll leave it at that. Why must I always be the third wheel in life?
I have this sore in my mouth, where the cheek joins with the jaw... it's been like a week and it's barely healed any. Hurts like crap, I'm really getting tired of it.
I love the movie Fight Club.
I've realized that really.... drama.... is completely avoidable if you choose to avoid it. So all those losers like me complaining about always being dragged into dramas.... could just tell their gossiping friends to shut the crap up, we are just too cowardly to do so.
Plus, almost every human being creates their own soap opera. I hate all the shows on tv. They're all basically glorified soap operas now.
Sometimes I wish I'd been allowed to grow up as a screwed up idiot.... then I wouldn't be so depressed by the whole.... looking at the world and wanting them all to die.
I was bored on myspace and sent this bulletin:
"So I've decided to become invisible. Actually, that happened a long time ago I think.
Sometimes life is so..... surreal. I can jump off a cliff and be just fine, I could be shot in the head and just shake it off, I could win any fight....
I believe that the meaning of life is laughter.... yet it's been so long since I've laughed. Have you ever exaggerated a laugh to prove that you're laughing? Not like, the sarcastic kind, but just wanted everyone in a twenty foot radius to know that you're laughing? It feels really pathetic.
But then, what in life doesn't feel pathetic.
I blame Megan talking about Sean all the time for why I have the urge to make out with a guy. Tempted to talk my ex into making out (lol, well, he did offer to get me pregnant a couple weeks ago). See, I made this resolution that I wouldn't even kiss a guy till I'd been dating him for at least a month. Now kinda regretting that.
And now, I shall excercise."
That pretty much sums up how I feel.
Cramps and depression hitting in the same day not mixing so well.