Crap
When someone hurts you more than they help you, it's time to say goodbye. That's why I'm doing it. It's become a mystery to me.... how things online were once so important to me. I could totally live without internet. There are a couple people I enjoy talking to... like Ashley. Only I can call her now too, so... that's fixed. That reminds me.... I gotta run so I'm gonna say it here, Kristy, email me your phone number again.
I don't like the person that comes out when I'm online. It's time to seriously move on. I'm into the whole... becoming the best person I can be thing. Part of that is saying goodbye to some of the bad habits I created over the years. I can talk... better.... I think about things hard to talk about to Kody and Megan than I could online. Cause I get a real response... and a hug. I was scared of the emotion once.... but it's time to let myself feel things again. Truly feel things.
You become whatever the person you are with expects you to be. I'm tired of being around those who expect me to be a brat or a mentally ill individual. I'm to the point of considering going off meds (with the consult of my psychiatrist) just to see if I can hack it without. Maybe that will happen during the summer. No. The summer... I'm going to work in Alaska. Dreams of other possibilities are pointless. If I can get the job... if they actually give me the job... I'm going. It'll be good for me, and to be able to help others like I need to, I need to be healthy.
The things that hurt the most... betrayal... doubt... I'm still thinking about becoming a business major because of one stupid comment that had no grounds. I don't like business. I don't want to sit at a desk messing with numbers in a computer all day. I know it's more than that. But I seriously doubt my abilities... because of her. I have more scars from her than everything else combined. Excuse me for being tired of it. I am going through and getting rid of the emails. I'm tired of the reminders of all the pain. I'm tired of the games. I hate games. I hate them with a passion.
Yeah.
I don't like the person that comes out when I'm online. It's time to seriously move on. I'm into the whole... becoming the best person I can be thing. Part of that is saying goodbye to some of the bad habits I created over the years. I can talk... better.... I think about things hard to talk about to Kody and Megan than I could online. Cause I get a real response... and a hug. I was scared of the emotion once.... but it's time to let myself feel things again. Truly feel things.
You become whatever the person you are with expects you to be. I'm tired of being around those who expect me to be a brat or a mentally ill individual. I'm to the point of considering going off meds (with the consult of my psychiatrist) just to see if I can hack it without. Maybe that will happen during the summer. No. The summer... I'm going to work in Alaska. Dreams of other possibilities are pointless. If I can get the job... if they actually give me the job... I'm going. It'll be good for me, and to be able to help others like I need to, I need to be healthy.
The things that hurt the most... betrayal... doubt... I'm still thinking about becoming a business major because of one stupid comment that had no grounds. I don't like business. I don't want to sit at a desk messing with numbers in a computer all day. I know it's more than that. But I seriously doubt my abilities... because of her. I have more scars from her than everything else combined. Excuse me for being tired of it. I am going through and getting rid of the emails. I'm tired of the reminders of all the pain. I'm tired of the games. I hate games. I hate them with a passion.
Yeah.
posted by Cynic at 3:16 PM
4 Comments:
Don't doubt your abilities because of that...screw that. You are amazing and don't ever forget it! I know you are going to be fabulous at whatever you do in your life, but I also know you will be even more fabulous if you follow your heart and do what it is that you really feel you are supposed to be doing...and I know you know what that is. You see the truth in people and that's so important.
Love you deary,
Ash
I LOVE YOU ASHUMS!!
So very very much.
I love you tooooooo!
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