Longing for the Past
It's funny how things switch around. And ya know, I don't know how to feel about it. I never really have. Just try to take things as they come, try to deal with what freaks me out.
So a little while ago, I was looking at old posts. I knew that I'd lost a lot of support cause of my like psychotic breakdown or whatever... a lot of crap went down... and I faded cause I was tired. Just forgot how drastic the change is. I'm at the point where I'm like... why post? Like, I can blog right here and get the same response... so I don't see much of a point.
My life is so worthless. Like, I get up, and all I really do is find things to spend time on. There's no point. No destination other than bed at night to wake up to another day of eternal boredom. That's how I see it. I actually have no reason to get out of bed each morning. I can't get a job cause of the guilt of taking off a lot of time for vacations. So you see the dilemma. Work is the only thing that I find any interest in. Like, Holiday Inn was awesome. Not the actual work... I honestly don't know if I enjoyed it or not. Just the thought that I was doing something. If nothing else, getting people rooms for their lives. Only I hate customer service. But I didn't really have a problem with the job. Maybe I don't hate customer service.
Okay... so I'm a social butterfly. lol.... social butterfly with social anxiety issues. Conundrum.
I think I'm gonna go a while without ambien. Maybe a month... I dunno.
So a little while ago, I was looking at old posts. I knew that I'd lost a lot of support cause of my like psychotic breakdown or whatever... a lot of crap went down... and I faded cause I was tired. Just forgot how drastic the change is. I'm at the point where I'm like... why post? Like, I can blog right here and get the same response... so I don't see much of a point.
My life is so worthless. Like, I get up, and all I really do is find things to spend time on. There's no point. No destination other than bed at night to wake up to another day of eternal boredom. That's how I see it. I actually have no reason to get out of bed each morning. I can't get a job cause of the guilt of taking off a lot of time for vacations. So you see the dilemma. Work is the only thing that I find any interest in. Like, Holiday Inn was awesome. Not the actual work... I honestly don't know if I enjoyed it or not. Just the thought that I was doing something. If nothing else, getting people rooms for their lives. Only I hate customer service. But I didn't really have a problem with the job. Maybe I don't hate customer service.
Okay... so I'm a social butterfly. lol.... social butterfly with social anxiety issues. Conundrum.
I think I'm gonna go a while without ambien. Maybe a month... I dunno.
posted by Cynic at 11:52 AM
1 Comments:
Yeah, I have been two weeks without ambien. Ugh! Hon, I know how you are feeling right now. It's so funny cuz I have been the same. Like, there has got to be more purpose to things than this. Just get up, get through the day, go to bed. Big whoop. What's the point? I liked your high school post. It brought back a lot of feelings from when I graduated. Don't worry, things will make sense after awhile. (I hope!) I haven't been on SC in so long. I don't know why, except maybe I just don't know what to say. I'm just glad I have you, ya know? And if I can ever get the MSN messenger working on this dumb machine, maybe we can talk again!! Be careful hon. You always have my support, k?
LOVE YOU!
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